her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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