Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
