So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
