when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
