brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
