why didn't you poke me back
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
