I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
