we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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