somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
