life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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