what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
