At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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