We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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