i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
