there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
