Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
