If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
