6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
