so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
