I heard we made out
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
