I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
