i think my mom watched the whole time
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
