Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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