You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
