OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
