dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
