Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
