he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
