I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I would ride that face into the sunset
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
