she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
