Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
