THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
