Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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