You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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