Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
