Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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