tell your sister to shave her snatch
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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