my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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