I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
