I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
