I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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