dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
