Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
