I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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