Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
