What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
