just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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