Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
