remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
