I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
